i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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