i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
