toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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