how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
