I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize