y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
