It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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