The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
