My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
