you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
