I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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