no, he came in my armpit
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well I just put wine in my tea
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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