i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
