My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
