You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
