apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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