Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
