...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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