Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize