last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
