I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
