the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
