K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
