We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
