You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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