i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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