we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize