she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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