i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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