we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
