You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
