Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I love you. Go after that dick
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
