watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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