y did u give ur computer a hand job?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
