Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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