You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
