cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
