The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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