My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
