she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
