I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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