I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
