I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
