I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
