i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
