At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
