We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
