Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
