you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
