I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize