Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
