He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
