Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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