he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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