adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
