I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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