hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
