Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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