Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize