Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
