you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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