I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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