Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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