I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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