I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
