I cockslap morals
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
