Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
