so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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