Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
