when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
