she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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