What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
