This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
