I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
