that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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