She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to cum in my sink.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
