a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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